Don't eat this...

Well...I won't say don't eat it. Cuz in reality chicken nuggets aren't the most objectionable choice you could make. Maybe not the best, but certainly not the worst. And these guys give you the added benefit of reminding you how many of them you ate. Bought them for the girls and just had to share!

N

Now try and tell me that isn't cute. Go ahead! The divas ate 6 of them (they only number up to 3 thankfully) with a big green salad tossed with lite Caesar dressing and fake bacon bits. I admit I had a bite. Juicy on the inside, crunchy on the outside...just like a good nugget should be. One of these babies...a little Frank's Red Hot...mmmmmm...
OK, enough of that!

Funnel cake

So most of you already know this, but for those that don't...funnel cake is basically a glorified pancake. Sorry to ruin any romantic conceptions you had about this summertime carnival treat, but that's basically what it is. The good news? This works to our advantage in creating a WLS friendly version.

3 fundamental problems with traditional funnel cake that make it either uneatable/not worth it to us pouch peeps:

1. It is deep fried - dumping is always a consideration as well as the fact that over consumption of the WRONG types of fats is what got us on the table in the first place
2. Ze carbs! Ze carbs! Need I say more?
3. The 47 lbs. of powdered sugar that comes on it.

Ok, so the things that make a funnel cake...a funnel cake:

1. Shape - it is squiggly and disorganized. You feel like a rebel eating it because it just seems so random and wayward
2. Texture: it is crisy. Mainly from the vat of reused oil it was fried in.
3. Taste- not so much of the funnel cake, although a good base is important. Mostly it's all about the toppings. Namely powdered sugar. I am dumping just thinking about all that sugar. I bought my daughters a funnel cake at a carnival last week and had to stop the lady from pouring on the sugar. But I digress...

So how do we get around it. We need a plan of attack!

Well first off we can't deep fry it. I can't, in good conscience, promote deep frying although it is wonderful and magical and yummy. So we will be pan frying this sucker.

So what about the carbs? Well you all know the answer to that one...Carbquik! This stuff is wonderful for those situations where you just can't get around having a starch.

So here's how it's gonna go down:

1/4 c. Carbquik

1/2 tbsp of some type of oil (I would suggest Canola)

1 egg

1 heaping tbsp Splenda

1 tbsp SF vanilla syrup (I used Torani)

1/8 tsp baking powder

Get a bowl, get a cup. In the bowl combine the CQ and baking powder. Might wanna throw in a dash of salt for good measure. I'm just sayin'. Ok, in the cup, combine the egg, oil, Splenda, and syrup and mix very, very well. Pour wet ingredients into dry and mix thoroughly. CQ will retain some chunkiness from whatever that stuff is that makes it so high in fiber. I don't ask questions. I just eat it. Moving on...

So, next we tackle the shape. We need 2 things to achieve a funnel-cake like shape: heat and control of the batter. So spray a pan with non-stick and put it on high heat until it is hot and then drop it back down to medium flame. While it's heating up get a Ziploc baggie. Put your batter in there. It should be a bit thick. Once you've got it into the bag, cut off one corner with some scissors. Now pipe the batter into your pan in a random fashion. This is also where the pancake thing works to our advantage. You have a minute to take your time with the shaping of the batter so go crazy with it. Have fun. I'll wait.

Mmmkay...so after you have done that...let it sit there for a bit. It will puff up, the edges will pull away from the pan. In fact, it'll look something like this:

Yeah, like that. When it looks like that you should consider flipping it. Now most chefs will tell you to be patient because you only want to flip once. I would tell you the same thing. Make good and sure it is done on the other side before you flip it. Then CAREFULLY flip it. Use a big, wide spatula. Again, I'll wait...

Got it? Ok. So let it chill there for a few moments while we consider toppings. So do you like the powdered sugar? You do? Well do you do well with Splenda? Yes? Ok, so do this:

1 tbsp Splenda

1/2 tbsp cornstarch

Mix well. There you go. Sugar free powdered sugar.

So once your funnel cake is done it should look like this:

Top with powdered sugar and serve. Now my suggestion is to do a fruity topping instead. The powdered sugar was good BUT since we pan fried instead of deep frying, it doesn't have all the moisture that a regular funnel cake would have. Taste? Yes. Shape? Yes. Moisture? Not as much. It's not dry per se, just drier than a normal funnel cake.

Fruity topping can be achieved quite easily by nuking some SF jelly. Easy, right?

Ok, so there is only one problem with this funnel cake from my perspective. You can't eat it at a carnival! But you can eat it at the barbecue when everyone else is eating a bunch of crap you shouldn't or can't have. And don't you dare give them a single bite!

Now if you'll excuse me...I'm off to formulate my very strong case to Carquik about how I should get some kick back from all this pimpage!

Fun with Tuna

Ok, so shoot me, I don't have a picture to show you. This is mainly because my digital camera is sitting in my electronics basket...uncharged....where it has been for the last month. One day I will get around to doing the incredibly simple task of plugging in the battery charger but today it was just too much, OK???? As a consolation prize you get Charlie, the Starkist tuna. Riveting.

Moving on...

I think I am addicted to tuna cakes. Tuna cakes? you ask yourself. Yes, tuna cakes. I love crab cakes. Adore salmon cakes. Am addicted to tuna cakes. Why? Well, first off they take about 4 minutes to prep and make from start to finish. Secondly, there are not bones or shells to contend with. Third, you can get away with a lot of different flavor combinations. The one I'd like to present for consideration today is a Jerk Tuna Cake w/ Peach Ginger Sauce.

Ingredients:

1 can of tuna (doesn't have to be Starkist...sorry Charlie...but it does need to be packed in water)

1/8 c. textured vegetable protein (go ahead...ask...what's that? Click here before moving on...)

1 tablespoon light mayo (yes, I know mayo is s'posed to be the debbil but it really does have some functions and this is one of them...don't use Greek yogurt...use mayo!)

1 shake each of the following: salt, ground black pepper, onion powder, red pepper flakes

1 large egg white

1/2 tsp prepared jerk seasoning (pssst...it's in the international aisle)

1 tbsp whole wheat bread crumbs (NOT ground Fiber One...yeesh...you people are health FANATICS!)

for the peach ginger sauce

1 tbsp sugar free peach preserves (I use Smucker's)

a dash of Splenda

a dash of cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1 dollop sugar free breakfast syrup (I use Smucker's)

Directions:

1. Drain tuna but reserve the water you drained. Set tuna aside.

2. Mix 1/8 c. reserved tuna liquid with your TVP and mix well. Set aside.

3. Dump tuna into the same bowl as the TVP and mix well

4. In the tuna can, mix together mayo, spices, and jerk seasoning (cuts down on dishes...don'tcha just love me????)

5. Add egg white to tuna/tvp mixture and mix well. Then add mayo mixture.

6. Add bread crumbs and mix well.

7. Spray a skillet with nonspray and let it get hot. While it is getting hot form patties out of your tuna mixture (how many depends on your appetite...for some this makes 4, for some 3, for me...2). Pan fry for about 3 minutes on each side. Cool on a rack if you're going to pack it for lunch. Serve hot off the skillet if you are eating it then and there.

8. Wait! No! Don't eat it yet! The peach ginger sauce! So easy: nuke the peach preserves for about 15-20 seconds. Until it's all bubbly and gooey. Add remaining ingredients and stir, stir, stir! Dump it over your tuna cakes. There...now you can eat (really...you can eat it...SERIOUSLY)

This is so good. Just the right level of spicy and sweet. The peach-ginger sauce seems like it would be good over a corn cake but I don't roll with corn cakes anymore so I may never know. If any of you dear readers are less neurotic than I, please try it and let me know how it tastes, k?

In summary...YUM! Oh one other thing...if you're liking what I'm posting...if you try any of the recipes. If you have a thought about how blue the sky is...post comments! I need comments! I love comments! Comments are awesome!

That is all.

Champagne wishes and curry dreams...

I don't know why I originally named this post what I did. I do have champagne wishes though in that I wish I had the amount of money a good champagne cost. Cuz a sista is BROKE! Which means we use what we have in our fridge. Tonight the fridge gods were good to me and gave me the ingredients for this: curried chicken and "rice."

For most post-op RNY'ers rice is a precarious thing. It weighs heavily on the pouch and is hard to eat a lot of. But there are things...many things...that go on rice that are not quite right by themselves. It's a dilemma. Well there are several things that can replace rice. TVP for example. But I don't like that as a rice replacement. It's heavy and despite the fact that it is mild, it does have its own flavor going on. My replacement of choice? Good ol' fashioned cauliflower. Yes, the cruciferous veggie is damn near tasteless and mashes up to look kinda sorta like rice for the first four seconds you look at it.

So the recipe I am posting below is the "Rachel Ray" version of this dish (meaning it takes about 30 minutes to make...not that Rachel had anything to do with it). It's good when you want something exotic and comforting but don't want to be in the kitchen all day. This would pair well with my Thai Iced Tea recipe but that would necessitate eating/drinking at the same time which is an express ticket to RNY damnation, right?!?!?!? Ah well...drink your thai iced tea, 30 minutes after eating this dish. There...

Curried chicken and "rice"

Ingredients:

• 1 small onion, thinly sliced
• 1 lb. whatever chicken parts you deem worthy (the above were boneless, skinless thighs, fat trimmed)
• Either 12 oz. mixed veggies from the can OR 2 c. uncooked 'random veggies' (read: whatever is in your fridge), chopped
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1/2 c. water
• 1 tbsp curry powder, salt and pepper to taste
• Optional: a dash of cayenne pepper, about 1/2 tsp. garam masala (an Indian spice blend...gives it a nice touch, but totally not necessary)
• 2 tbsp cornstarch or flour + same amount of COLD water (for thickening)
• 1 batch of cauliflower rice

Directions:

1. Spray a skillet down with nonstick cooking spray and set it over medium heat and let it get good and HOT. Add onions and drop the heat down to medium-low and allow them to caramelize (become golden brown in color)
2. Add chicken and cook until browned on both sides.
3. Add veggies, garlic, spices and water and cover. Cook about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.
4. When chicken is done through and fork tender, use two forks to shred all the chicken meat up and stir to make sure veggies are fully incorporated. Taste the broth and adjust seasonings as desired (sometimes I have to add more curry or salt).
5. In a cup, combine starch or flour with water and stir with a fork or a mini-whisk to form a smooth paste. Make sure that water is cold! Put an ice cube in it if your kitchen is particularly warm.
6. Increase the heat of the chicken mixture until its liquids are boiling. Add starchy mixture and stir through. Sauce should begin to immediately thicken.
7. Allow it to simmer an additional five minutes or so then serve atop hot cauliflower rice.

This is one of my all-time favorite post-op meals! I know what some of you will ask. About the flour (or the "rue" used to thicken the sauce). The previous iteration of this recipe called for a can of coconut milk but any way you slice it that adds a bunch of calories and fat (which you are welcome to do if you love coconut curries).

This version requires 2 tablespoons of starch in a fairly big batch of food so if you divide it out the carbs aren't terrible. But you are welcome to skip that step. You'll just have a thin broth instead of a sauce to serve atop your cauliflower rice.

But any way you make it, it's still good!

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Spice up your life!

Remember Zatarain’s? Yeah…back in the day I used to jazz it UP!!! My favorite was the jambalaya, although they had several “meals in a box” that I loved to fix. I am a spicy food fanatic so anything I can put red pepper flakes in is a done deal.

Funny thing is, though, that I did not intend for this to come out as a Zatarain’s knock off. I had a head of cauliflower and I didn’t feel like making faux mac ‘n cheese, which is what I usually do. Truth be told, I wanted sausage and when a girl wants sausage there is nothing to be done but to give that girl her sausage (ok, it’s been too long since I’ve had a boyfriend cuz there was innuendo all UP in that statement…). So I started playing around and tasting, playing around and tasting (which technically is a violation of the “no grazing rule” but ask me if I care…) and I’m adding stuff and adding stuff until I was like “hot diggity dang! I think I’m on to something here!”

And so this was born. Tentative name: jambalaya casserole.

Yes, yes I know traditionally jambalaya has shrimp and okra and a bunch of other stuff that’s not in here. But notice that I based my comparison on Zatarain’s. It’s kinda like putting a recipe out there for something that was made from Taco Bell and comparing it to authentic Mexican food. It just don’t work. Apples and oranges. But this is good in its own respect and I kinda loved it. It got the divas seal of approval too which was cool.

“Fake Me Out” Jambalaya Casserole
Ingredients:

1 pkg lowfat turkey smoked sausage, sliced1

small onion, diced

1 head cauliflower (cut into florets)

1 c. shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 c. skim milk

1 c. cut okra, rinsed (I didn't use this...I used a can of drained green beans cuz the divas have attitude about okra)

2 egg whites

2 heaping tbsp "I can't believe it's not butter" light

salt, pepper, red pepper flakes

1/2 c. either medium or hot salsa1 tsp minced garlic

1 c. whole wheat bread crumbs (this is a rare instance where I seriously think Fiber One would be a disservice)

1/2 c. grated Parmesan

Directions:

1. Sautee onions and smoked sausage together until sausage gets crispy on the outside. Add red pepper flakes and okra (or green beans) once everything is done cooking and mix through Set aside

2. Boil cauliflower florets until tender. When done drain and then return to pot. Add "butter" salt and pepper along with milk and mash then put back on low heat.

3. Add cheese to cauliflower mixture and mix well, letting it continue to simmer (milk will bubble but it's ok).

4. Add onion/sausage/veggie mixture to cauliflower mixture and stir well. Add egg whites and mix well.

5. Pour into casserole dish. Top with bread crumbs and parmesan cheese and bake on 350 for 30 minutes.

The above pic is what's left of it after the divas and I had our fill. I had 2.5 (me-sized) portions of it (prolly about 1.5 c total), le petite diva (my youngest daughter) had 3 helpings and le grande diva had 2. So I'd say it was a success...yes?